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Why you shouldn’t “ghost” your therapist

July 26, 2017 by Deborah Moyer, LMFT

(Spoiler alert: it actually has nothing to do with what he or she needs)

 

Endings are hard.

Breaking up is hard.

Saying “You’re not the right one for me” can seem impossible.

Talking about what’s not working in a relationship is really uncomfortable, so it’s easier to not say anything and just disappear.

 

If these things are true about therapy, imagine how much more they apply to life in general. One of the helpful things about therapy is that it can provide a safe place to work through the things we struggle with in real life. Need some practice asserting yourself? Then why not tell your therapist how disrespected you feel when she’s 5-10 minutes late for most appointments? Tend to jump to conclusions in conversations? Then try asking your therapist if he really just meant to imply that you’re acting like a toddler with that analogy he just used.

 

And if you avoid difficult or embarrassing conversations at all costs, then you should most definitely not ghost your therapist. If it’s embarrassing to admit that you can’t afford it, this is a good opportunity to practice telling yourself that shame will not rule your thoughts. If it’s uncomfortable to tell a therapist that they don’t seem like a good fit, this is a good chance to step out of your comfort zone and practice providing constructive feedback gently. If you’ve just decided that you don’t feel like dredging through those hard feelings right now, then “Yay you!” for identifying your own needs and wants and being confident enough to voice them.

 

The downside of ghosting your therapist is that you not only miss an opportunity for seeing your own strength, but it can make going back to therapy in the future harder because this time ended in such an uncomfortable way. So quit therapy if you want to, but take a moment to tell your therapist why and you’ll have the added benefit of being proud of yourself because you had a hard conversation, and the next time you need to have one it will be just a little bit easier.

Filed Under: Therapy Tagged With: ghosting, therapy

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(858) 731-6013
11440 W. Bernardo Ct.,
Suite 200
San Diego, CA 92127

 

Deborah Moyer, LMFT

deborah@deborahmoyercounseling.com
858-731-6013
11440 W. Bernardo Ct., Suite 200
San Diego, CA 92127

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